walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
