"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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