I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
