and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
