Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
