Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
