I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
