Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
