Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
