I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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