just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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