I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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