hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
