you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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