He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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