i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
