I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
