Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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