Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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