i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
