how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
