I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
