I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
