Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
