did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize