i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
