Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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