yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
