I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
