With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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