I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
