I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
