david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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