No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
