so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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