he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
