Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you would pick up someone in the library
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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