Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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