hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
where are you?
Hypothermia
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
