Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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