walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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