Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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