It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
