I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
