Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
