hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
