Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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