Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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