Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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