There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
