I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
