Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
