Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
