sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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