I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
