I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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