remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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