The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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