hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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