Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
