If i could tip my vagina, i would.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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